


Parce Mihi - Forgive Me

by Ash_Crimson



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, How Loki and Sigyn meet, Hurt, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Thor (2011), Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23527792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ash_Crimson/pseuds/Ash_Crimson
Summary: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------"You know what I think Loki?" she asked him, but he didn´t move a bit, just continued staring out of the window."I think you are embittered because you are sad and lonely and you are too proud to admit that". Sigyn heard him taking a deep breath and saw his eyes closing slowly: "You know nothing about me" he said contemptuously, his own words being painful to his mind."Think whatever you want Loki, but I won´t let you hurt me"---------------------------------------------------------------------------------It´s a tradition as old as Asgard itself: Once in a hundred years a young woman gets chosen to be a lady-in-waiting to the queen and live within her in the palace. This year Friggas choice falls on Sigyn, who volunteers to save her family.Soon enough she meets Loki, Prince of Asgard and even though he is a good actor, she slowly starts to see something different in him, than the cold and arrogant man he is to everyone else.But meanwhile, not seen by anyone, dark clouds are gathering over the mountains of Asgard and it is only a matter of time till the storm begins.-- Set before Marvelfilms --
Relationships: Loki/Sigyn (Marvel)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 12





	1. Prologue

A unbearable silence had spread through his entire body. A impossible emptiness.

Neither did he felt the pain in his knees as they hit the ground, nor the biting cold of the rain that was pouring down on him. He didn´t feel the warmth of the blood that came from his wounds nor the raging power of the wind that hit his face either.

The young, black-haired man didn´t see the red-soaked ground or the countless bodies scattered around him. For a few seconds there was none of that.

Everything he saw was the fading glow in her blue eyes, the only thing he felt was her cold skin, all he heard was her silence. For a few seconds there was only that. 

Time stopped until she raised her hand, until her fingers touched his and sent warmth and safety through him, he actually didn´t deserve.

His arms slid under her tender body, under everything he had, everything he needed and as if in trance, unable to cry or scream, he held her close to himself. Hid her face, wet from the rain, on his neck, wrapped his arms around her back. He pulled her light figure into his lap, away from the blood and dirt, ready to sacrifice the remaining warmth he had left under his armor for her to stop freezing.

Irregular breath hit his skin, her weak hands laid on his shoulder and their shaking made him tremble. He wasn´t ready.

His fingers slowly clawed into the fabric of her robe and he closed his eyes. He wasn´t ready to let her go yet. Not now, not like this.

As best as he could he tried to protect her from the storm, to keep the noise of death away from her, to drive the cold out of her limbs and to keep her close to him, to show her how much he regretted every bad word he had ever lost about her. He wanted to tell her not to be afraid, that it would be all right soon, but he was unsure how, because he had forgotten how to use his voice, how words of comfort and courage sounded. His silver tongue refused to work.

So instead of talking he carefully put a hand on her cheek, looked at her despite the pain written on her face, watched and remained silent. For now she still looked back at him, but already had no strength left to lift her fingers to his face, although her urge to do so was greater than anything else. All she was able to do was move her fingertips very gently on his shoulder, making it clear to him what she wanted and he understood. His hand wrapped itself around her wrist, guided it upwards until she touched the familiar cheekbones, stroked across his forehead, over his chin and his nose. He looked so sad. She didn´t want him to be sad.

She knew she was dying, but didn´t want Lokis sadness to be the last thing she would see.

“This is not how this was supposed to end”. The black-haired man had found his voice again, swallowed heavily, held her hand tighter, led it to is his mouth and kissed her fingers lightly, carefully.

A faint smile flashed across her lips, then again and it remained: “Tell me, please Loki” she breathed, looked directly into his eyes, those beloved green eyes, the hope she saw in them even now, although it did not exist for her anymore.

He didn´t hestitate, not for a second, wanted to tell her everything he should have said long ago, but brought only out what she expected, because he couldn´t think of anything else: “I love you”.

The smile on her face became tender, affectionate, spoke of things he had never dared to dream of and which suddenly washed over him, but he still said nothing, unable to think straight.

This could not be the end.

“Now it is your turn” she whispered exhausted: “What is your wish?”. For a moment he smiled too, remembering his own words and a better time, before his smile died and his eyes filled with tears.

Tears of remorse and fear, of sadness and love, tears because of all the lies he had told her and all the truths he had kept from her.

His hand stroked through her hair, he lowered his head, kissed her forehead lovingly, intertwined his fingers slowly with hers, was very close to her, so close that his tears wet her skin and it was like they were the only ones existing.  
“Forgive me Sigyn”.

But all of this was still a scene of the future that only the Norns* knew about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Norns = creatures in the nordic mythology that control humans fates
> 
> Hey :)  
> I´m happy you took the time to read the prologue of this fanfiction.  
> Since my mother tongue isn´t English and I don´t have a beta-reader so far, there might be some grammar mistakes in my writing, so should you find the same mistake over and over again, feel free to tell me, so I can correct it :)  
> Also I just want so say: the next chapters are going to be longer.  
> Ash Crimson


	2. The chosen one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Frigga chooses her new lady-in-waiting~

„What is your name?“  
The young woman’s heart immediately beat faster, she felt pale- and redness rose in her cheeks at the same time and her hands became icy cold despite the heat of summer. She closed her eyes for the fraction of a second, wondering how exactly she should answer and took a deep breath.

This was their only chance and if she failed it, she would be sealing the dark fate of herself, her brothers and her sisters by that. An even worse fate than their lives were already. Her answers would decide between wealth and poverty, life and death. She knew that and it made her nervous, almost anxious, although she was actually not at all of the jumpy sort.

Slowly she raised her head on which her long, reddish-brown hair was firmly tucked together and glanced at the woman standing in front of her, tried to appear bolder than she was at that moment and her breath hitched a little.

She had known that Queen Frigga was beautiful, she had never really seen her before of course, but everybody knew and talked about it and still, the way she had expected the Queen to look like was nothing compared to the reality.  
One could certainly tell that Friggas youth was long gone, but she didn´t look old either with her blonde hair held together by a gilded ribbon that matched the decorations of her robe and sparkled like the warm smile of her eyes. She rather was one of the most beautiful woman alive.

The young woman was completely speechless for a few breaths long. Perhaps she would have even forgoten to speak at all, if her brother, who stood behind her, hadn´t given her a slight stab to her back.

Although several silent seconds had already passed, the kindness and sincere interest in the Queen´s gaze had not diminished.

“My name is Sigyn” the brunette finally announced, her heart still beating loudly in her chest and only now she became really aware of what she was doing here.

After all there was a reason why she stood in front of Asgards Queen. If everything would went according to her plan, if the Norns were with her, Sigyn intended to go with Frigga to the Golden Palace and spend the rest of her life as lady-in-waiting to her. That was why she was standing there at the market place of the city among all the other young women who hoped to be chosen by their queen just like her.

It was an old tradition in Asgard, once in a hundred years one of the citizens got chosen to be a court lady and of course this was a huge honour. Many women had been taken before her to the palace and now Sigyn stood there, next to a queen she had never seen before, but whom she would perhaps soon keep company with every day and she stood there in her best dress, which looked almost shabby though, but there had been no money for an new one and she felt terribly anxious.

Frigga still smiled at her, a kindness in her features that made Sigyn feel a little more comfortable and at the same time more insecure. It almost seemed as if she wanted Sigyn to say more, but the young woman didn´t know what to say or what to do.  
The whole situation was a little scary to her.

Actually Sigyn didn´t want to move into the palace, because despite the temptations that awaited her there: a warm bed of her own, a full stomach, expensive fabrics and robes, Sigyn would much rather stay in the city together with her brothers and sisters, together with the people she loved.  
But since it was part of the agreement, part of the tradition, that the families of the ladies-in-waiting got enough money to live comfortably without hunger or cold, without fear or worry, it was not really a choice to Sigyn. Her family needed the money. Urgent. Otherwise she was sure they wouldn´t survive the winter and as much as the loss of her home would hurt her, she had to do it for the sake of her siblings.

“Are you alone here Sigyn?” Frigga wanted to know, her voice soft and gentle and yet as determined as a queen had to sound. A mixture of rough and soft, of deep and high, a voice that probably only existed once and that you would always recognize among thousands. Sigyn ran a shiver down her cold back.  
“No” she answered, sounding more hesitant than she wanted to and was happy to finally have a reason to reach for her brothers hand and carefully pull him closer: “My older brother Kjell is with me, but apart from that we are alone here, yes”.

Kjell received a smile too and he nodded at the queen, bowed slightly and squeezed Sigyns fingers, because he felt her tremble.  
He also disliked the thought of losing his sister, of only seeing her very rarely, but he also knew that they had no other choice.

Their parents were dead and since he had injured himself in the forge two years ago it was a miracle when he got a badly paid job. None of his siblings could read or write and Sigyn was too delicate for heavy manual labour, the other siblings were too young.

They all weren´t stupid, especially Sigyn, but they had never had time for education or teaching, they always had to work hard to stay alive, so it was a difficult task for his family to earn enough money to survive and it didn´t get easier. If Sigyn were to become a court-lady, then it would be a chance for all of them to live a safe life, maybe the only chance.

“Do you have more family or is it just the two of you?”.  
Sigyn shook her head slightly, she hated talking about this: “We have five younger siblings, two girls and three boys and our parents are both dead. Father died in a ship accident and our mother fell ill five years ago”. Her voice had become a little watery.

She had seldom seen their father, but had loved him nonetheless, and Sigyns mother had been everything to her. She absolutely didn´t want to cry in front of all these people, swallowed the tears and suddenly gave Frigga an defiant look she couldn´t hold back..  
Why did she even wanted to know that? Why did she care? So many feeling had been stirred up again in Sigyn by the question and it almost made her a little angry. She had loved her parents a lot.

“I am very sorry” Frigga said, meant it honestly and truly, and yet Sigyn remained silent, had not been prepared to be reminded of her parents again, and tried to put aside her painful memories and thoughts.

The Queen reached for her hand and held it between her own, looking at them: “You seem to have a good heart Sigyn, you are brave and polite at once and you seem to be a quick learner” her eyes wandered back up to Sigyns face and she let go of her hand, glancing behind her to one of the guards standing there, before she turned her attention back to Sigyn: “Have you really thought about this? Are your sure you want to follow me to the palace? You can still decide”.

Sigyn took a deep breath, she was not sure if it was the right thing for her, but it was the right thing for her family and so she nodded, her heart a little heavy, and didn´t dare to look at her brother.

“Then be ready to leave tomorrow. At sunrise you will be picked up at your home and you are allowed to take any items that are of value to you, and don´t pose a danger, with you. You can also bring a horse-”  
“We don´t have one” Sigyn interrupted quickly, almost hoping that Frigga would withdraw her decision if she became impertinent. She had to go to the palace, but she didn´t want to, this city was her home… and it was where her family was.

“Well, then you will be riding one of our horses tomorrow. At sunrise you must be ready, in the palace you then will have to swear your loyalty to me and then you will be my lady-in-waiting”. Sigyn nodded again, sounding more indecisive than she was: “I will be ready”.

“Good. We will see each other tomorrow Sigyn” with this words the Queen said her goodbye, a little sublime, but still friendly and went back to where her horse was standing.

“Thank you” the young woman whispered, unsure if Frigga had heard it, but felt like she had to say it, before she held her breath.  
She had done it.

Sigyn was chosen to be a court lady.

~

Her body contracted on one hand from happiness, on the other from uncertainty, her whole form shivering because of the upcoming day.  
To Sigyn it seemed like there was far too little time to say goodbye to her family, before she had to leave behind everything that was familiar and dear to her to live in the palace.

“Are you a princess now?” her little sister Finnja asked, arms resting on the bed while she watched Sigyn collect some items she would take with her. So far that was a small book she had never read and a leather necklace, both reminders of a time when her family was still complete.

She sighed. It was early in the evening, her other siblings were still outside, somewhere in the forest and Kjell had gone to fetch them, which left Sigyn and Finnja to be alone in their tiny house. Only one more night until Sigyn would leave them.

“No” Sigyn smiled, although she didn´t feel like smiling at all. She already began to miss Finnja, her youngest sister and that innocent, freckled face of hers: “I´ll be a lady-in-waiting to Queen Frigga and keep her company” she explained, let herself fall on the bed next to her and gave the little girl a caring look.  
“Too bad, I´d love a princess as sister” the younger admitted. Her brown eyes continued to stare at Sigyn and she asked: “But you will have a room of your own, right?”. When her big sister nodded her eyes began to shine, which almost brought tears to Sigyns eyes.

Currently their entire house consisted of only two small rooms and they had three beds in which all seven of them had to sleep.  
“When I am in the palace, you will receive money too, you may will not have your own room, but you will have a bed all for yourself, I promise. You could share a room with Lyria” Sigyn said, smiling at the enthusiasm in the girls eyes and imagined how her big brother would settle the little quarrels of his sisters Finnja and Lyria when necessary in the future.

He would have to do that without her, a thought that made her almost a little dizzy. After their mother had died, Sigyn had to take care of them all and now she was supposed to just leave them, stop watching her siblings grow bigger with every day, stop seeing her beloved ones every day.

A tear flowed over Sigyns cheek and Finnja, who was indeed small but not stupid, was silent and slid towards her sister, sat on her lap and pressed herself against her. Immediately warm hands laid on the small, emaciated body and stroked through the same brown-reddish hair all females in their family had.  
Sigyn closed her eyes, felt the slight embrace of the youngest and kissed her hair. Tomorrow, at sunrise, when she would be gone, a new life would begin for both of them.

Finnja would stay here with the others, but they would finally have enough money to have daily food and proper clothes and a decent house. They wouldn´t have to stave or freeze through winter nights anymore.  
And Sigyn would live in the Golden Palace of Asgard. Somewhere between strangers and jewels, alone, but sure that her siblings were doing well, definitely better than now.

~

Sigyn couldn’t sleep.

After all her siblings had come home she had told them about the encounter with the queen, had explained what it meant for them and Lyria had burst into tears, not wanting her big sister to leave.

“I have to go Lyria, I have to” Sigyn had tried to comfort her: “Just imagine, you will never have to go to sleep hungry again and I will still be able to visit you from time to time”, but Lyria had looked up to her, the nose red from crying: “But you won´t be here every day!”.  
No, Sigyn had thought and had hugged Lyria to her chest to stroke her head, I won´t be here daily, probably I won´t even see you once a week, but she hadn´t said anything.

And now Sigyn laid in their bed, between Lyria and Finnja, the latter in a firm embrace while Lyria had cuddled up against her back and listened to her sisters breathing.  
How could Sigyn ever be able to sleep alone in a room of her own, in a bed of her own, when she was so used to the common warmth and closeness of her sisters next to her? She never slept any other way.

Tenderly she caressed Finnjas cheek and then turned over to Lyria to brush her fingers over her soft skin as well. What would these two and her brothers do without her? Sigyn was the only adult woman they had left in their lives and now she had to leave.

It was for the best, Sigyn knew that, without the money they would have to keep on starving and freezing, perhaps even starve or freeze to death in the upcoming winter and she didn´t even want to think about that just for a minute. But still Sigyn couldn’t believe that she had actually been chosen by the Queen.

What had Frigga seen in her that had convinced her? What was so different about Sigyn compared to the other girls, apart from the fact that she had the most worn out dress?  
Maybe that was it though, compassion for the poor girl with six siblings and no parents, just mercy.

Sigyn felt uncomfortable, still anxious, so many questions in her mind. Would Frigga even like her? And the other ladies-in-waiting, what would they think about her?  
Sigyn closed her eyes, her nervousness could not be pushed aside and although she was infinitely tired, she couldn´t fall asleep.  
It was almost as if she was trying to absorb all the warmth and closeness of her sisters, to make the most of the hours she had left with her family, absorbing everything she would be missing soon.

At some point she somehow managed to fall asleep though, sleeping restlessly and full of fear of the next sunrise, which came faster than she wanted it to.


	3. The arrival

Lyria held Sigyn in a tight embrace, the face buried on her neck.

Her younger sister didn´t sob, but Sigyn could feel her tears nonetheless and gently stroked over her back. Felt the protruding spine and ribs and tried not to start crying herself.  
The twins, Ari and Fin, also two of her siblings, stood next to the chair Sigyn sat on and huddled themselves close to her. She sighed.  
She would miss them, a lot, but they had no choice. Not if they wanted to survive. 

Björn, Sigyns brother who was only two years younger than her and Kjell were standing at the door, the older one with Finnja on his arm. The little girl didn't really understand why there was such a depressed atmosphere in the air, but could clearly feel it, held on to her brother and was very quiet. It was almost as if she knew that nothing she could say would change the sad feelings of her siblings.

A look out of the window showed Sigyn that the first orange-red glimmer of the sun was already to be seen in the sky, so it could only be a matter of minutes before she would be picked up and brought to the palace. She turned her eyes to her older brother and the youngest sister, the former smiling encouragingly, the latter eyes full of discomfort and a little fear. Finnja had got hiccups, as it was always the case when she got too nervous and Sigyn smiled sadly. 

Oh, how she'd miss her siblings.  
It already seemed to tear her heart apart and breathing became more difficult when she thought about it.  
She already had lost her parents and now she was to leave the rest of the family too.  
Of course she could still come and visit them sometimes, but only rarely, very rarely and that frightened her. All her life she had seen these girls and boys every day, had seen Finnja grow from a baby to a little girl and Kjell from a boy to the man he was now.  
Whenever they had needed comfort or warmth or company, they had been there for each other since there was only them and no mother or father.  
Especially to Kjell she had a bond like only a few siblings had with one another. They were the two eldest and therefore responsible for the others. They had gone together over all obstacles and he had always worked hard to be able to care for them as best as possible. 

Even now he had still done so, although he had lost half of his right arm when he had been stuck between the gears of the forge a few years ago, at which he used to work.  
Sigyn could all too well still remember this time when her brother had been confined to the bed for days, weeks, because of the exhaustion and pain. She remembered how he had fever dreams and sweats for hours because of the infection that had formed in the rest of his arm and how she had not left his bed, fearing he could die. 

A loud knocking at the door scared Sigyn out of her thoughts, catapulted her back into the present. Her heart started racing again. 

The twins let go of her and she pushed Lyria gently away, who was after all sobbing now, and she could see tears in the boys eyes as well. She stroked both of them vigorously through the blond hair and then knelt down to the three of them. Morning air streamed from the door that Björn had opened and Sigyn heard the dark voice of one of the guards, but concentrated on her family: "You know that I love you very much".  
A nod came from all of them and Sigyn nodded too: "I want you to know that I will always love you, I can't tell you when we will meet again, but I promise that your lives will be better and I will think of you every day. . . You will think of me too, right?” she asked, just wanting confirmation that she would not be forgotten, even though she knew it wouldn´t happen.  
"Of course": Fin said and Ari put his hand on Sigyns shoulder: "We swear that on Odin". Lyria nodded in agreement, her breath way too fast and a new tear came out of the corner of her eye. Swallowing heavily, Sigyn took the three of them in her arms again, kissed each one on the forehead and then got up, went over to the other three. 

Björn looked at her gloomily and she took his hands in hers: "Take good care of yourself and next time I'm here again, invite the girl you like so much"; His cheeks became red and he lowered his eyes a little.  
“And make sure that, as soon as you receive the money, Kjell goes to a healer because of his arm. You know he would never do that on his own and the wound has never healed properly,"; she whispered to him, being careful that Kjell didn't hear anything and then turned to her older brother who was still holding Finnja. 

The girl stretched out her little fingers to Sigyn, who took her in her arms, inhaled deeply the childlike smell of her sister and smiled. Finnjas eyes had grown wide: "Are you going to the palace now?" she asked and Sigyn nodded: "Yes".  
"Will you come back?"  
“Sometime yes, sure”: the brown-haired woman answered and felt the slight jolt that went through Finnja when the next hiccup came: "Will you see Thor there?" Again Sigyn nodded: "Surely" and the younger one stroked a strand of hair from her own face, before she beamed with enthusiasm: "Can you tell him to take care of you when Kjell is not around?”  
Sigyn wasn't sure if she still was able to get whole words out of her trembling throat, so she put Finnja down on the floor, nodded slightly and cuddled with the girl for a moment, before turning to Kjell. "We will see each other again Sigyn": he said encouragingly. “But when? How often? You know I don't like the answers to that, none of us does” Sigyn replied quietly.  
"I know and we are infinitely grateful that you are doing this for us Sigyn. I wish we could have taken a different path". For a few seconds there was silence, then he pulled his sister firmly into his arms and closed his eyes to get rid of the dampness in them.  
"Promise you'll take care of yourself Sigyn, promise you'll try to be happy without us,": he whispered, his body trembling a little as they separated and Sigyn grabbed her bag and then walked towards the two guards standing in front of their house. 

One last time before she left the house, she turned back, looked at everyone and tried not to get her heart broken, knowing that she might not see them for weeks or even months or longer.  
The moment she would step out of this house, it would not be her home anymore.  
Her gaze glided once more over all of her brothers and sisters, then she stepped outside and she didn't dare to look back again, afraid of her loss and her feelings, until she sat on the brown-spotted horse and rode out of the city towards the palace. 

Uncertainty was written on her face more and more with each step the horse walked.

Sigyn was not able to look back again, not once.

~

It had begun to rain.  
Fine, stringy threads that fell from the grey coloured sky slowly formed puddles. 

Sigyn had pulled the hood of her somewhat holey coat over her head, far into her face. She tried in vain to protect herself from the wetness that had already trenched her clothes and thought about the hole in the roof at her home, that nobody had re-covered this summer. Well, her old home. 

Her new one lay before her, shining golden and mighty, even without the sun and stretching to the left and right further than any other building Sigyn knew.  
It wouldn´t be much longer until they would arrive, maybe half an hour, but she already felt dizzy.  
That shimmering gold and that light and that palace. . . she didn't belong there. She, with these shabby and frayed clothes and the life in poverty she had lived so far. 

Besides, she wasn't a classic beauty at all. The thought of the queens beauty alone, of her blonde hair and soft eyes, made her feel awful.  
Sigyn definitely wasn´t what was called a amazing beauty in Asgardian beliefs, she wasn´t ugly either, but impossible beautiful, no. Not her.  
Her skin had an almost unnatural paleness, her eyes were a blue shade of grey, her hair was a dark brown, which glowed in an irregular red when light hit it, and she was the tallest woman she knew. Sigyn could not remember ever having met a woman taller than her. Even her older brother wasn´t very much taller than her.  
Also, she had a scar diagonally along her lower jaw, which was only faint, but visible and her nose had a small bulge on its back. It was really very difficult to see it, but every time Sigyn drove her fingers over her face she was bothered by it.  
And she, this inconspicuous woman should now live in the palace, far away from everyone she knew and far away from everything that was home to her. 

What would happen to all the dreams she had? She had always wished to live in the city one day, with someone who loved her and with children. Who would be interested in her, up there in the golden mountain of towers and balconies, if they could find the most beautiful ladies of the whole country there?  
Her discomfort turned into a pain in her stomach and it didn't get better the closer they came to the shining monster.  
The palace seemed bigger and bigger and more intimidating the further they rode and Sigyn was impressed how even the storm could not suppress the power it radiated. What was she doing here? Did she really want to live there? 

Did she had a choice? 

~

~

With his hands folded behind his back he stood in front of the big window.  
His chest rose and fell as he breathed, but otherwise he looked motionlessly at the expanse that stretched in front of the palace. The rain had somehow softened the landscape and a light fog spoiled the view, but nonetheless he was able to spot the three horses heading to the big main gate. Guards sat on the left and right horse, in the middle sat a rather fine figure in a dark robe. He knew that it probably was the woman his mother had chosen as the new lady-in-waiting, because she had been in the town just yesterday because of this.

His fingers turned the ring on his hand as the door to the room was pushed open loudly and crashed against the wall so hard, that he could hear some of the sandy stone crumbling. 

"You're really still standing there".  
A deep voice from somewhere behind him bellowed this softly at the black-haired man standing at the window. Rough and wild was the tone of the other one, who now came closer to him.  
Without turning around he knew that it was Thor who had come home from his ride with friends. He did not answer his brother, but kept staring outside, not wanting to talk to him.  
Why should he? 

Thor was now standing right next to him, also looking out of the window and stroking through his soaking wet hair. His friends and him must have been outside when the rain started.  
"What's so interesting that you can stand here all day and look outside Loki?” Thor wanted to know, but already walked away from his brother and got rid of his soaked cape, which was covered with dirty stains. 

Loki continued to look at the three horses that by now had arrived at the big gate. The woman got help getting off of the horse and then they disappeared through the doors of the palace, the horses were led away by one of the stable boys.  
He turned to his brother and suddenly lost the desire to look at the landscape, which he hadn't really looked at anyway and answered slowly and with an indefinable tone: "I was just thinking".  
"About what?": Thor asked while he straightened his top and Loki stared at him for a silent moment, before he turned his head away and said calmly and seriously: "You wouldn't understand it anyways".  
"No, probably not at all": Thor admitted without any shame and shrugged his shoulders: "You are the clever one of us".  
"I know".

The black-haired man was tired of talking about these things, all the things he was and Thor wasn't. He didn't want to hear or think about what made the two of them different and the few things that connected them. Loki sometimes wanted to be free of his own thoughts.  
"Mothers lady-in-waiting has just arrived": he started talking about another subject and sat down on the dark red, upholstered chair that stood beside him.  
He laid both arms on the armrests and cross his legs. 

"Her name is Sigyn, I believe. Mother told me about her yesterday. Maybe she's pretty,": explained Thor, his mouth widened to a grin he gave Loki, but the latter didn't return his smile: "I don't know why you should care”  
"Come on Loki, you can't tell me you wouldn't like it if she is pretty. You would like it more if she was pretty, than if she was not": laughed his brother and Loki made a pejorative gesture with his hand: "Hardly. In my opinion it is not one of Asgards most glorious traditions to bring some lowlifes from the city to the palace and letting them live here like we do. Let it stay where it belongs, this pack": he replied, made an almost disgusted face and breathed out deeply.  
Loki just didn't understand why such a rabble should keep his mother company, the new court lady probably couldn't even read and was all dirty. The people were there to serve them, not to live with them on the same floor. 

Thor didn't reply to that. He already knew about his brothers opinion well enough and had stopped wondering when the little, good-natured boy had become the cold and rejecting man he was now. When or why Loki had started to shut himself off from the rest of the world to spent most of the time alone. Every time he thought about it, he couldn't come up with an answer.  
Perhaps it was simply the nature of his brother, he had always been the more serious and rational one, the one who thought a lot. Perhaps Loki had already understood things Thor never would.

"I'm going to go and see father now and tell him what we shot at today's hunt": he told Loki instead and with a sweeping lightness picked up Mjölnir, which he had put down on the table.  
The black-haired man nodded: "Do that ... and tell your friend Fandral that he has to keep his hands away from women as long as I am present”. The last part he shouted after Thor, who left the room again, smiling and throwing the hammer into the air.

The door closed and Loki was alone again. Or he still was, he wasn't sure about that yet.  
He remained seated on the chair, his eyes fixed on a point on the opposite wall. His breath had become a little faster and it was so quiet that he could hear his own heart pumping blood through his body in a monotonous, treacherous beat. Then he suddenly stood up and rushed with light, barely noticeable steps out of the room, out into the cold halls, straight to the stables.  
The silence had suddenly become too heavy for him. Too lonely and oppressive to bear alone for any longer.

So while he ran through the palace, blind to any sun and with an icy heart that squeezed the air out of him, Sigyn, far away from him, got her breath constricted by a corset, which could not contain the loss in her heart.


	4. The first night

Lokis fingers glided slowly over the book spines.

The night had fallen over Asgard and the library was only faintly lit by candles, which made him wander between the shelves in a semi-darkness.  
Apart from him, the entire palace seemed to be asleep already, but Loki saw no need to lie down on his bed as well. For what purpose?  
In the end, he would stay awake anyway, would be stuck in his thoughts, in some part of his mind where he got lost far too quickly and if he would somehow fall asleep though, it would only be for a restless, exhausting sleep.  
No, he didn´t even wanted to try to fall asleep.

Instead, he wandered alone through the library, hearing his own breath and heartbeat and remaining silent, while he stopped occasionally to take a closer look at a book, only to put it right back. Actually, he just watched his hand as it flitted from book to book, felt the leather under his slightly trembling fingertips and tried to keep his mind empty and think of nothing. 

The young man walked a few steps further along the bookshelf, before he slowed and eventually stopped.  
Slowly and carefully he pressed his palm against the books and closed his eyes, put his head back a little. Deeply he breathed in and almost sighed the air out again, before opening his eyelids and moving his fingers slightly up and down. The knocking sound echoed softly through the library, breaking the silence but not the emptiness, and he heard himself swallow.

How was it possible that none of these books interested him? If a few years ago one had told him that there would be a day in his life when he wouldn´t want to read, he would have laughed about it.  
But now he was standing here in the middle of the night and in the midst of thousands and thousands of books, and he didn't find one that interested him. And he had the feeling that it wasn't the books fault at all.  
Gently he stroked over one of the books his hand was resting on and lowered his head a little.

"Loki?"

Immediately the prince pulled his hand back in shock as if he had burned it, crossed his fingers behind his back and quickly turned to the person who had addressed him. The black-haired man was looking at a woman, the queen, and raised his chin and eyebrows: "Mother".

Friggas apparition glowed brightly in the warm light of the candles, giving her an almost ghostly, elegant appearance, because the light glittered in her hair.  
Loki hadn't expected to meet anyone in the library at that time, especially not his own mother, and he could hardly bear the look she gave him. So much sorrow in her eyes, even though he tried everything to give her no reason to worry about him.  
While he didn´t move she walked towards him: "Why are you here so late, Loki?" she asked affectionately and he was silent for a moment, because he wasn't sure anymore what he was doing here.

But he didn´t want to admit that. 

"I'm not really tired and I wanted to get a book first, before going to bed. You know I like to read" he lied, because he was actually terribly tired and actually not interested in any book and didn't even know anymore what had driven him to the library. 

But Frigga was a smart woman and of course she knew her son long enough to know that he was lying, although she couldn't prove it, but could feel the lie rather by maternal instincts. She gave him a loving smile that seemed to pass right through him.  
In fact, Loki really had always loved to read, he had preferred books above anything else and when he had been a child, she had read to him every night.  
Now, however, one look at Lokis face was enough and she knew that he hadn't slept well for ages and she also knew that he hadn't read for a long time either.  
Her youngest son had lost weight, his cheeks had become even sharper, his skin even paler so that it seemed to shimmer white and most of all: he looked tired. Exhausted.  
But Frigga also knew that there was no point in taking Loki to the healers of Asgard.

"You don't seem to have found what you were looking for," she said in her soft voice, because Loki wasn´t holding a book in his hands and he nodded somewhat absently: "No, I haven't been able to find a book that arouses my interest and that I haven't read yet".  
His eyes still avoided those of his mother and he still held his chin up and tried to breathe calmly.

Frigga held out the book to him, she had carried under her arm to return it to the library: "Maybe this one will appeal to you. It's about different effects of potions. I was just about to put it back, but if you're interested, then you shall have it. I think you'll like it"  
Loki reached for the book and clasped it with both hands. It was heavy and although he read the title, he couldn't remember whether he had read this piece before or not. Probably it didn't matter anyway, because after all he wouldn't read it, just like the other books that had been lying in his rooms for weeks. The book was too heavy for his slim, trembling hands and the letters too blurry in front of his tired eyes to even consider reading it.  
With a blank expression on his face he stroked the cover of the book: "You're probably right, Mother. The title is promising, I will take it with me. I won't find anything in the library today anyway and it's already late" he explained to her soberly and forced himself to smile at her because he was not able to decline her offer.

Frigga gently reciprocated his smile, despite his generally rather cold appearance, and said: "We should both go to bed now. The night won´t become any longer".

Mother and son left the library together and walked for a while next to each other without Loki raising his voice. He didn't even ask why his mother was still awake and outside of her chambers in the middle of the night or why she had wanted to bring back a book at that time. He was too busy with concentrating on his breathing.

"We missed you at the ceremony today," the queen opened the conversation instead. Loki kept looking straight forward and not at her, still couldn't stand her eyes, which were so full of love for him: "I am sorry that I did not attend it, but I forgot the time. It won't happen again," he explained and then asked, although he didn't care, but he didn't want to be rude to his mother: "Did everything go the way you wanted it to?".  
The queen's smile became even wider without Loki seeing it: "Yes, it did. Lady Sigyn has sworn her loyalty to me and the entire royal family. Almost without hesitation, although I know it is not easy for her. She has already moved into her chambers, but it will probably take some time before she can call this her home," she said and Loki nodded, not telling his mother what he thought about all of that.  
He knew that Frigga loved this tradition and he never wanted to give her a reason to be disappointed in him.

"I'm delighted for you, mother" he said calmly and she replied a little more serious, "I hope you will introduce yourself to her in the next few days, after all she has sworn her loyalty to you without your presence too. Besides, your father was not particularly pleased about your absence".  
When was his father ever pleased about him, he asked himself, but said nothing about it: "I promise I will".  
He would have liked to have crossed his fingers.

They both continued walking, Frigga kept the conversation going, while Loki was silent and just nodded now and then, because mostly he was caught in his own thoughts. He wanted to be alone again as soon as possible.

Finally, they arrived at the point in the palace where the paths to their chambers separated and with a soft movement Loki stopped and, for the first time since the library, turned to Frigga with a smooth movement and slowly said: "Good night Mother".  
The queen looked at her son for a moment, studied his cold form, then raised her hand to lay it briefly against his cheek. Lovingly she stroked his skin with her warm fingers, caressed his pale face.  
The prince did not move a bit, kept a blank expression.  
"I wish you a good night as well Loki" she responded and gradually pulled her hand back, then turned away from him and disappeared in the direction in which her chambers lay, to get into bed.  
Not until he was sure that she would not turn around again, Lokis fingers rushed to his cheek and searched for the warmth that had touched him there a moment ago.

But apart from the coldness, which radiated from himself, there was nothing left to feel. 

~

Cool, fresh night air swirled through her hair and made her eyes water.  
At least Sigyn told herself that her moist eyes came from the wind and not from the longing, the homesickness and nervousness that plagued her. That was easier to accept.

She didn't know what time it was, but from the darkness and silence that lay over the palace she could tell that it must have been several hours since she had been taken to her chambers to rest.  
Now she was standing on the balcony that also belonged to her chambers, overlooking the wide, golden, shining city that stretched out before her in the swarthiness of the night. It appeared to be the wrong view for her. She missed gazing out of the small window onto the dark street in front of her tiny house, and she even more missed hearing the soft breathing of her brothers and sisters who always slept peacefully.

Her heart became very heavy at the thought of her family, but she did not let her tears run free. She would not give in to them yet.

When she had been taken to her chamber to rest, they had probably not meant for her to stand on the balcony for the remaining night, but Sigyn had endured it only very shortly in the bed that would be hers from now on.  
It was soft, so that she had sunken in comfortably and the blankets were as light as a feather and so soft, Sigyn hadn't even known that such delicate fabrics existed.  
But the bed was also huge. Enormous, so big that she could stretch out on it and yet never touch both edges at once. It was too big.  
She felt all alone and small and unimpressive in the bed, even more so than she already did. How could she ever sleep in there? The bed was so unfamiliar and she was so lonely in it. She lacked the warmth of her brothers and sisters. The bed just wasn´t made for her. 

Neither were she made for this palace of gold and fine ladies, even though Queen Frigga was convinced of the opposite and had told her so again and again.  
It had only been a few hours since she had sworn her loyalty to the royal family. 

Loyalty until the day they died or her own death, should she break that oath. Her voice had broken several times when she had sealed this promise, and she had kneeled in front of the royal family, wearing a bright white dress in which she had been dressed before, her head lowered, being humble, restless, but also grateful for this chance.

Sigyn had not spoken to the Allfather, nor to Prince Thor; she had merely exchanged smiles with the latter, whos smile probably were meant to encourage her, and then Frigga had led her out of the throne hall into the gardens of the palace.  
Her heart had continued to beat loudly and she felt overwhelmed, but the queen had taken her for a walk in the park and shown her all the beautiful plants that grew there, as if she knew that Sigyn needed distraction from her concerns.  
The park was wonderful, no question, full of colours Sigyn had never dreamed of, but the thought of her future hung over her like a dark cloud. The queen constantly assured her that she would get used to the new situation and be a good lady-in-waiting, but Sigyn could not believe it. Of course, she had nodded and agreed anyway, for Frigga's sake, but now, at that moment in the middle of the night, she realized very clearly how wrong the Allmother was. 

All of this, this everlasting nightdress, the shiny clothes from the day, the huge rooms and all the beautiful people, finely dressed and with graceful steps, that was not part of her, it would never be. She couldn't believe that. 

Sighing, she stroked a strand of her hair behind her ear and, breathing deeply, supported herself on the balustrade, lay her head in her hands and closed her eyes  
Even though she could not get comfortable with staying here forever, she still knew it was the right thing to do. It was the best thing for her family.  
Exhaling, she listened to the rustling of the leaves and heard her own heartbeat. Probably she should try to make the best of her situation instead of feeling sorry for herself. But that was so hard for her, although it had never been before.

How strange it was, she thought, that before, despite poverty and hunger, she had rarely felt as miserable as now, standing on her own balcony in beautiful clothes and on a full stomach.  
But on the other hand, she also never had to feel so alone before.

Sigyn opened her eyes again as a slightly stronger breeze blew against her, swirling her hair even more and leaving her shivering.  
She straightened up and put her arms around her upper body to keep herself warmer.  
Her gaze glided across the dark landscape once more and she tried to see in the distance and in the darkness where approximately her siblings were, but could not commit herself and was finally distracted by a movement she saw in the corner of her eye that caught her attention.  
With her eyes narrowed, she turned to the left towards a balcony quite a distance from her, at the same level as hers, but much larger, and tried to see something in the blackness of the night.

Her watery eyes became dry and she blinked.

A dark figure had stepped onto the other balcony, but it was too far away to see any details. Sigyn wasn't even sure if it was a man or a woman, young or old. The person had walked all the way to the railing and then, just as Sigyn had just done, seemed to lean on the edge of the balcony and stayed that way.  
Silently she watched the figure.  
She wasn't the only one who was still awake it seemed, and she wasn't the only one who was hanging around on the balcony at that time. Maybe that someone over there had been startled out of a nightmare or maybe it was just someone who had been on guard duty until just now. Sigyn didn't know who it was and she didn't know anything about the palace, so she couldn't say who lived in that part of it. 

Still, she would have liked to know who it was standing there and why it wasn't sleeping.  
These questions distracted her from the homesickness.

Again lost in her thoughts she only noticed late that the other person had turned to her too. It seemed as if she was being watched directly, although the other person could probably not see her much better than she could see it. After all, she couldn't make out much more than shadowy movements and figures that were difficult to classify.

Although she couldn't see it, she was sure that their eyes crossed and in a strangely melancholic way she found comfort in her counterpart, in the way they shared this moment of the night.

Minutes passed in which both figures standing in the darkness did not move and just surveyd one another, but then the stranger left the balcony and disappeared back into the palace, and when a new gust of wind came up that made Sigyn tremble even more, she too went back to her room.

Exhaling, she closed the balcony door behind her, leaned her back against it and closed her eyes again.  
She had already forgotten her experience on the balcony, for in front of her lay the big, empty bed from which she felt so repelled and in which she, all alone, would have to sleep.  
She sighed. Sooner or later she would have to make friends with the bed and with her whole situation, she knew that, but when she lay down in the bed and buried her face in the pillow, she suddenly could no longer hold back her tears and let them run free instead.

~ 

Loki carefully closed the glass door and went over to his bed, where he slowly, calmly settled down. He lay on his back, folded his arms under his head and stared at the high ceiling of his room, which was decorated with golden ornaments. 

He was aware that he would not fall asleep, but what else could he do but lie here and exist? Maybe he would think about who he had just seen on the balcony, if it was someone he knew. Of course he knew the palace well, he knew that in the part to which the balcony belonged, higher servants lived, but who exactly moved into which rooms, he did not know even after all these centuries. 

A trembling sigh left his lips quietly and uncontrollably and he was immediately ashamed of having made such a faint sound and was a little disgusted by himself. 

Maybe he would just lie here all night long and couldn't get his mother's worried eyes out of his head and his father's disappointed looks, just like he often spent his nights.

But maybe he even wouldn´t do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to everyone that Sigyn and Loki still didn´t really meet, but I promise: it will finally happen in the next chapter :)  
> ~ Ash


	5. The though encounter

Sigyn let her fingertips dance softly on the water surface.  
Small waves radiated from her fingers and formed patterns on the crystal clear water reflecting the sun, which shone warmly from the asgardian sky. 

After the rain of yesterday, the clouds had cleared overnight and made way for warm, sunny weather, which Frigga and her ladies-in-waiting used to enjoy the gardens of the palace.

Despite the beautiful weather, Sigyn hardly felt better than before though.  
She still missed her family, and after meeting the other court ladies in the morning, she felt even lonelier. They all knew each other well and for a long time and were like friends, talking to the palace guards when they passed by and smiling and laughing non-stop. They were cheerful and above all they belonged here. 

Sigyn, on the other hand, felt like a silent observer of what was going on all the time, as if Frigga and her ladies-in-waiting were something completely different from herself. As if she was next to them, but not actually with them.  
And even though she had tried hard not to appear repellent, any attempts by the ladies-in-waiting to start a conversation with her had bounced off Sigyn. Her feelings were too uncertain and thoughtful for her to want to talk to anyone.

Without a break, her thoughts circled around her siblings. She wondered what they were doing right now. Whether they were all doing well? Had they already received the money? Did they miss Sigyn as much as she missed them?

Trembling, Sigyn sighed and propped her head on one hand while she laid the other one beside her in the grass and ran her thumb over the stalks. Even now, here in the gardens, Sigyn was more alone than being one of the court ladies.  
While they were all together in groups, talking or reading, Sigyn sat alone next to the small fountain in the middle of the gardens, her upper body leaning on the stone edge of the well, and she was strangely melancholic. 

It seemed so strange to her to be here, so different and she was sure that this feeling would never fade away.

Sigyn let her hand slide back into the cool water and laid her head on the edge of the fountain, watched her fingers touch the surface of the water and saw the occasional sunrays that were gently broken by it.  
Were her brothers and sisters also outside at this very moment?

"It is alright to miss them".

Startled, Sigyn sat up and quickly pulled her hand out of the water, whereupon small droplets were flying in all directions, directing her gaze to the origin of the voice she had just heard. 

Frigga sat a little away from her on the edge of the well, looked at her with awake, tender eyes and smiled amusedly: " Forgive me Sigyn, I didn't mean to scare you" she said, and a light wind blew through her golden-blond hair: "I thought you had already seen me".

A little ashamed Sigyn could feel her cheeks blushing and hesitantly she replied: "Your Highness, I'm sorry that I didn't notice you. I was too engrossed in my thoughts", before she lifted herself up and sat down on the fountain as well, put her hands in her lap and began to pull on the sleeves of her light blue dress.  
What a terrible impression she must have made. 

The queen laughed softly. A warm, hearty laugh that calmed Sigyn a bit and at the same time made her look questioningly at the woman sitting next to her, whose eyes were shining and who looked younger as she laughed. 

"You don't need to apologize, it was my mistake to sneak up on you like that, a bad habit of mine. And there' s no need to call me Highness. All my ladies-in-waiting address me as Frigga, just as I call you by your first names," Frigga quickly explained her laughter, so as not to make her new lady of the court too insecure, which worked less well than she had hoped, because Sigyn only nodded reluctantly.  
She would get better, Frigga was convinced of that, it would only take time.

"I just wanted to let you know that it is understandable that you miss your family. No one expects you to love the palace and the life here from the very beginning. But your grief will pass," the queen promised softly and in a gentle tone, knowing that these words brought little comfort, but also that they were true. 

Swallowing, her eyebrows slightly pulled together and her fingertips clasped together in her lap, Sigyn murmured questioningly, "How do you know I miss my brothers and sisters so much?", her voice becoming quieter with each word and she felt increasingly stupid. 

It was probably impossible to miss the fact that she did not feel comfortable, probably her sorrow could be seen from far away. In the end Sigyn also didn't do much to hide her misery and she suddenly felt bad. She should really try harder to appear at least a little satisfied, a little grateful for this chance.

But right now everything was still too new for her to accept it and try to fit in. And one could certainly tell by looking at her.  
By Frigga's kind, but still amused smile, Sigyn was able to sense that it indeed must have been easy for her to guess the thoughts of her new lady-in-waiting, and with a sigh she returned the queens smile, unsure what else to do. 

For a few moments the women looked at each other, then Frigga rose with a deep exhalation and turned to Sigyn with a gallant movement. Invitingly, she held out a hand to Sigyn and, at her confused expression, said, "I want to show you something. You'll like it".  
Quietly the queen waited until her hand was taken timidly. She helped the younger woman up, then gently released her hand and made her way back to the palace. 

With interlaced fingers Sigyn followed the queen, walked silently beside her and looked up at the golden monster in front of them, which now housed her home.  
"You'll get used to the palace, too" Frigga assured and Sigyn wondered how she knew what was going on in her mind again. Was she that transparent? Or did the queen just have a good sense for her surroundings? 

Sigyn wasn't sure, but she didn't ask the question either. Instead, she quietly entered the palace and wanted to know, "Where are we going?" because she was uncomfortable with surprises.  
"To the library."

Sigyns heart stopped for a moment and she could only manage a tiny nod. 

Why only a library? She couldn't even read properly. She knew only a few letters, but far too few to make sense of words. What was she supposed to do in a library? She had never been taught to read, and she could hardly write either.  
Her heart started beating fast and it tightened her throat. 

What would the queen think if she learned that the lady-in-waiting she had chosen could not read? That her choice was a stupid, illiterate woman who did not understand even the simplest words once they were written on paper?

Deep shame crept over Sigyn and her chest hurt. The queen had surely learned how to read as a little girl, probably everyone at court could read, every single one of them. Only she could not.

"Books are a good distraction. They often help me when I get too lost in my own thoughts. And stories help to not feel alone for the moment. You'll see," Frigga continued, making Sigyns breath quiver with every word and her fingers tremble: "We have thousands and thousands of books, you'll find one you like for sure".

Sigyn probably should have told her. Should have explained at that moment that there never had been money or enough time for someone to teach her and that she couldn't read a single word.  
But Sigyn remained silent.  
Her shame kept her from talking. The thought of having to admit that she could not read scared her. What would they think of her? That stupid, ignorant woman from the city? Slowly, her hands became clammy.

"I guess I will" Sigyn clearly agreed with the queen, and perhaps it was also a little bit her pride, that forbid her to admit that she could not understand a book. Even if she should have.

As inconspicuously as possible, Sigyn glanced to the side, at Friggas face, to see if she had noticed what was going on inside her, but she just looked straight ahead and kept a fine smile on her lips. Frigga probably hadn't noticed her slight panic, and so they kept walking without Sigyn raising her voice.  
She thought the whole time about how stupid it was that she didn't tell the queen about her problem, but on the other hand she was sure that nothing would happen. After all, Sigyn wouldn't have to read out loud to anyone and as long as she was only supposed to read for herself, she could just pretend to read... Right? No one would notice, and Frigga wouldn´t have to know about her illiterate court lady.

Despite her slight doubts, as to whether it was wise to hide something like that, Sigyn kept her secret and also didn't talk about her inability to read when they reached the big doors of the library.  
Only her trembling got worse along with her feeling of shame.

~ ~

When the doors of the library suddenly opened, Loki was torn from his thoughts.

Surprised, because at this time no one else but him usually entered the library, he looked up from the book, which was open in his hands, but he didn't actually read anyway, to turn his eyes to the entrance. He was almost expecting a guard to come in to bring him to his father or remind him of his obligations, or perhaps even, somewhere deep in his heart, he expected his brother to come looking for him, but instead his mother entered the hall striding.  
Her footsteps weren't the only ones he heard though.

Shortly afterwards, his mother was followed by a second, tall woman with long, reddish-brown hair and a light-blue dress, which stood out softly against the dark, rather brown background of the library.  
They both walked towards one of the bookshelves and although they whispered, Loki heard his mother say, "Take whatever book you like. Reading will take your mind to other things Sigyn, you'll see and besides, you'll have your peace here".

Just a moment ago he had watched the two of them with almost some interest, but now Loki turned his eyes back to his book in disgust. Sigyn. So the other female was the new lady-in-waiting. From the city. Riffraff that would now settle down in the palace without working for it.  
Although he didn't want to, he couldn't prevent his eyes from turning to her a second time. Well, he thought, at least she wasn't dirty.

In fact, she made a rather decent appearance. Her hair held together by a ribbon, a fine dress that lay against her body and clean skin.  
But what did he expect? Of course, the court ladies were dressed up, who knew what she looked like before, when she had lived in the city?  
And anyway, that didn't change the fact that she was living in the palace without any work or title at all, almost as well as the royal family itself. He snorted pejoratively, but also tiredly, whereupon Sigyn and his mother both turned to him.

Immediately, Loki turned his attention back to the book, of which he began to skim a few random lines, briefly blanking out his surroundings.

Only when footsteps could be heard directly in front of him did he raise his head again and saw his mother standing before him. In the background the new court lady was still standing at the shelves and looking at books. Lokis gaze glided to Friggas, who smiled lovingly at him as usual, giving him a stab in the heart that he didn't show.

"I hope you don't mind us passing by. I know how much you like to have the library to yourself, but I wanted to show it to Lady Sigyn," his mother explained and Loki shook his head: "That's all right, Mother. After all, the library is not mine alone," before he sat up more in the chair and raised his chin. He forced a cramped smile on his lips to cover up how much he disliked being disturbed in the first place, but also especially being disturbed by the new lady-in-waiting.

Frigga nodded and whispered softly to her son so Sigyn wouldn't hear it: "I have to go now. The other ladies-in-waiting are certainly waiting for me, but I would like to leave Sigyn more time in the library, that's something she needs. That is why she will stay". 

Unwillingly Loki closed his book, felt the smooth paper and kept silent for a moment, only to speak again after a short silence: "Then she will stay" as if it was his decision. He couldn't tell his mother that he didn't want her around, because it still wasn't his library and besides, his mother seemed to like this Sigyn. He could tell by her smile and the satisfied expression on her face.

Frigga put her hands together with a silent clap, nodded at Loki and then fell into a stern tone: "She already knows who you are, but I still want you to introduce yourself to her as you should". 

Her son gave a nod, but she studied his features a little longer to make sure he was serious, then walked past him to the second exit of the library and stopped halfway there: "Oh and Loki? Could you give me back the book I gave you yesterday? I need it one more time for my studies and knowing you, I'm sure you've almost finished reading it," she asked and if he had looked up at her, he would have noticed her knowing gaze, but as he kept staring at the book in front of him, he didn't notice when he lied: "I'm almost finished with the book. Tonight I will bring it to you mother".

The queen stood still for a little longer, watched her youngest son worriedly and then looked at Sigyn, who was still walking along the front bookshelf, and finally turned around and left the library.  
On her way out, a narrow, barely visible smile stretched across Frigga's lips.

~ ~

How long could she possibly walk along the bookshelf and pretend to read book titles before it became suspicious because she chose no book?

Shakily breathing, Sigyn followed the line of the bookshelf.

The queen had left her alone here and Sigyn didn't know if that was good or bad.  
On the one hand, it was good, because the chance Frigga would notice that she couldn't read was much lower this way, but on the other hand it was bad, because she felt especially insecure all by herself. Particularly considering the fact that a stranger, a man was sitting on the edge of the hall in a chair and that this man was also a prince.

Would he notice that she could not read? Her heart went faster again immediately, but fortunately he seemed to have very little interest in her at the moment, as absorbed as he seemed in his reading.  
The prince did not pay any attention to her at all, which gave her the opportunity to look at him undisturbed.

His clothes were all black and green, and unlike Frigga and Prince Thor, his hair was coal-black, but his skin was much lighter and milkier.  
When he suddenly looked up, Sigyn turned back to the bookcase and pulled out a book to look busy and not as if she had just stared at him, even though she had done just that.

Had he noticed? 

Sigyn concentrated on the book she had taken.  
The cover was dark red and on the leathery corners it had golden ornaments that almost looked like roses and shone brightly in the light. Of course, she couldn't read the title, although it was there in beautiful, curved letters. Only the first and fourth signs looked familiar to her and because it was the first book she had found that had at least something familiar about it, and because it was the most beautiful one she had seen so far, she decided to take a closer look at it.

To continue searching for books didn't make sense in the end anyway, since she didn't know what the titles were saying or what the books were all about. And Prince Loki seemed to be so absorbed in his book that he certainly wouldn't notice that she wasn't actually reading anyway, but only pretending to.

Besides, Frigga had brought her here, and she couldn't just leave again. Although it would probably still have been the smartest thing to go to the queen and confess her illiteratance, but the very idea made Sigyns cheeks blush in shame.

Doing this was absolutely out of the question.

Instead, Sigyn took the red book in a tighter grip and then looked around for a seat. The closest one to her were the chairs next to the one Prince Loki was sitting in, which made her hesitate. However, she did not see any other chairs or benches and she did not want to wander around the library hall, which seemed huge.

So, swallowing, she walked towards him, her steps a little shaky, holding her breath and then sat down gently on a chair a little further away from him, its cushion yielding gently under her.  
Carefully she looked over at him. Fortunately, her gaze was not returned.  
So at least he did not look at her anymore. That made it more comfortable for her. A little.  
Should she speak to him?

It seemed rude not to say anything, but her throat was tight and she couldn't think of anything to say. Her fingers trembled a little as she opened the book and went to page one. Suddenly she wished Frigga would come back.

Maybe she felt alone and small and unimpressive in the presence of the queen, but at least she felt welcome. Here, at this moment, sitting next to the silent prince and holding a book in her hands of which she understood nothing, she also felt stupid and a bit unwanted. Almost helpless.

Sigyn tried to ignore Loki and looked at the runes on the paper which were forming words through confusing lines. Here and there a sign seemed familiar to her, sometimes she even knew how it was pronounced, but it was not enough to understand anything. 

She turned to page two and found another riddle in front of her, which actually wasn't one. Her heart was beating loudly and she could only hope that she was the only one who heard it.  
What if Frigga found out one day that she couldn't read after all? That would be embarrassing. But admitting it right now was embarrassing, too. She would have loved to give a frustrated sigh, but remained silent and tried to look interested in the book, not paying attention to what Loki was doing.

It was probably also better for her nerves that she didn't look at the black-haired man, because then she would have noticed that he observed her again.

Over the two empty chairs that separated them, he watched Sigyn with a slight sideways glance. His fingers stroked softly across the open book in his hands and his elbows rested on the armrests.

Suspiciously, he looked at her face, her straight nose, her high but soft cheekbones and especially her eyes, which flitted strangely across the pages of the book.  
Loki's gaze fell briefly on the book she had chosen and then went back to her eyes.

She did not read.

It did not take him a second to realize this. Her eyes flew over the written letters and she kept turning the pages, but he could clearly see that she was not really reading.  
Her eyes did not follow the rows of the signs, sometimes she looked at runes at the bottom of the page and then again at runes at the top. Sometimes she stared for ages at one heel and the next, which was almost as long, she only paid attention for a few blinkers.

The longer he watched her, the more he noticed. She also turned the pages at completely different intervals, although he could see that there was almost the same amount of text on all of them. For some pages she needed several minutes and for others hardly a moment.

Loki almost laughed out loud because it was so ridiculous.  
Why was she doing that? What did she want to achieve with it?

"What are you reading?" he asked, enjoying Sigyns flinching and the slight panic that suddenly came over her. He already knew what was going on, but he wanted to be sure.

Sigyn, who was a little overwhelmed, since she didn't know what she was reading, hesitated for a moment and then closed the book and turned the cover to the prince so he could see the title, hoping that that would be enough for him.

A mocking smile ran across Lokis features during her action.  
Foolish woman.

He read the title, 'The Flora Vanaheims', and then leaned back in his chair before he looked at her questioningly and said, "Good choice. Are you interested in different types of swords?".  
Although he was already aware that his ruse would work, he had to hold back a loud laugh when Sigyn nodded after a short hesitation: "A little".

Foolish woman.  
Who did she think she could fool with her cheap game?

She had no idea what the book was about.  
So it wasn't that she just didn't want to read, no, she couldn't read at all to begin with. The new lady-in-waiting couldn't read. No wonder. She still was a random woman from the city.  
She might not have been dirty, but she still couldn't read. Pitiful.

With a scornful grin Loki stood up and said a short goodbye to Sigyn: "It was nice to meet you Lady Sigyn" and even she heard the sarcasm in his voice that sent a cold shiver down her spine and left her breathing trembling. 

Without waiting for an answer Loki left the library with fast, smooth movements, while his mind was full of what he just had discovered.

She could not even read. By the Norns, what had been let into the palace? Even the lowest servants understood the runes, and now there was a lady-in-waiting in the palace who could not. How miserable.

And above all, she had lied. He was sure that she had not mentioned anything to his mother.  
Unable to read, and a liar to boot.  
Loki gave a pejorative snort as he walked down the hall to his chambers.  
His heart ached strangely at his hateful thoughts, but he ignored that and kept walking.

His mother would find out what kind of person she had brought into her home soon.  
He would make sure of it.

~ ~

Tired, Frigga shook her hands and put the feather aside.

It was already quite late in the evening, and she had spent a while putting her signature on important letters that needed her own signature as well as the signature of the Allfather.  
Letters of orders to her servants, instructions to the town administrators and political letters to Vanaheims ruling house.

Just as she was about to get up and leave her desk, there was a knock at the door to her chambers. Odin, who was sitting diagonally behind her at the window and was studying a map, looked up and finally responded to the knocking with a "Come in".

Immediately the door opened and Loki entered, a book under his arm and with a sour expression on his face.  
He gave his father a nod, who then turned back to the map and then approached his mother, held the book out to her and stopped next to the desk: "The book you wanted back".

The queen glanced briefly at the title and then nodded: "Ah yes, the book. I thank you for bringing it to me", before she took the book from her son and put it on the table. Smiling, she looked back at Loki, who continued to stand with her, and by the way one of his little fingers twitched, she knew there was another reason why he had come to her chambers.  
Lovingly, Frigga reached for his hand, whereupon Lokis reflexively flinched, and without a comment about that, she asked, "What else do you want to tell me, Loki?".

The young mans gaze clung to that of his mother, and he remained silent a little longer, keeping the expression of indifference on his face, and then said in a bitter voice, "She's lying to you. Sigyn. Your new lady-in-waiting is lying to you".  
Friggas eyebrows and the corners of her mouth slightly raised: "Oh really? What is she lying to me about?"

"She can't read. She didn't tell you, did she?"

A soft sigh came over Friggas lips, and she turned back to her desk to take the letters that were lying there to arrange them in her hands: "No, she didn't tell me, you're right, but I already know it though" she explained easily.

Loki put his hands together behind his back: "No one lies to a queen! Especially not one of her ladies-in-waiting," he tried to make his problem clear, but Frigga just nodded.

"She is not lying to hurt me. She just feels uncomfortable because she can't read, and she doesn't want to let me know because she thinks I might think she's stupid and find her to be ridiculous. And as long as she is new in the palace and feels uncomfortable here, I will do nothing to increase her discomfort. I won't address her on her illiteracy".

Slowly Lokis lips became a thin line and he pressed his hands tightly together, so that his knuckles turned white. How could his mother be so unconcerned about being lied to by a court lady?  
"Well, so you don't care that she lied to you... but she still can't read," he continued, unwilling to give up his position. This Sigyn did not belong in the palace.

Inside, Frigga groaned as she put aside a few letters: "No, no, she can't."

"But-" Loki began, who was gradually losing his patience. How could his mother not see what he saw? Why didn't she care? "She is a lady-in-waiting... What kind of court lady can't read?"

Quietly, Frigga put all the letters aside and turned to her stubborn son with a tilted head: "If it is such a problem for you that she cannot read, why don't you teach her? You could teach her secretly without her knowing that I know about it. Then she would not have to be ashamed and would not lie to me anymore once she is able to read."

For a moment there was complete silence.  
Lokis mouth opened in shock and his face became an expression of outrage. Some seconds long he wasn't even sure if he had heard correctly, because what his mother was suggesting couldn't be meant seriously.

"I should teach her to read? No way!" it then came loudly from his throat and he could hardly keep his anger under control. He wasn't a teacher for runaway subjects, was he? He was a prince, a member of the royal family!  
"But I would be glad if you would do it. You are a good teacher."

"I will not do it. Never!"

"Then I will make it to one of your obligations. Teach her to read" Frigga ended the conversation strictly and saw the anger on Lokis face, which for the first time in weeks showed something else than cold indifference and paleness.

For a moment, the queen thought Loki was going to respond, but then suddenly, he just turned around on his heels and marched to the door, which he ripped open as briskly as he closed it.

Frigga, and Odin as well, both looked at the door and she breathed out with a sigh when the Allfather said: "Don't you think this might be a bit too harsh? After all, he is a prince. Princes do not teach their servants to read. There are plenty teachers we could hire for your court lady".

Rolling her eyes slightly, she stood up: "No, that is just right. Trust me" and walked over to him, stroking his hair back behind his ear.  
"If you say so" Odin replied and while she sat down next to him on the bench and untied the tight knot in her hair, she looked at the door.  
She knew that Loki hated her right now. Probably he was running along the corridor and cursing her in defiance.

And yet a smile came over her lips.

Everything would come together as it needed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it took me a little longer to write this chapter, not only since it is a little longer than the other ones, but also because I´m taking my finals right now.  
> I hope you enjoy it though :)


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